The Weird Vagina Method That Grew My Peach by Emily Gurtamo

Okay, let's get real. You want a bigger, firmer, rounder ass that makes jeans look illegal and turns heads like a magnet.

Alright, queen, let's be real: if you're reading this, you're done side-eyeing your mirror like "where the hell is my peach?" and pretending your current flat-ass situation is "just genetics, babe." You want the kind of booty that makes jeans file for unemployment, leggings start a petition for mercy, and your ex suddenly remembers your name at 2 a.m. The kind that jiggles like it’s auditioning for a jelly commercial, fills out everything like it paid rent, and gives you that "I didn’t come here to play, I came here to slay" walk that makes rooms hush and necks snap.

Soon it will be YOU, queen. That mirror is about to start simping.

But hold up,this isn’t just about looking so hot your ex regrets every life choice he ever made (though... yes please, send the screenshots). A juicy ass is your VIP ticket to feeling straight-up unstoppable. Attracting men who suddenly forget how to blink. Boosting your health so you can survive a full Target run without your lower back filing a complaint. And yes, even making everyday nonsense like climbing stairs feel like you’re gliding instead of dragging your dignity up each step.

Why do men go weak in the knees (and other places) for a big ass? Straight facts: it’s biology. Curves scream "healthy, fertile, confident goddess who could probably deadlift your ego and still look cute doing it." Guys are hardwired to notice a round, perky peach because evolution said "yep, that’s the one."

But forget the caveman grunting nonsense, in 2026 a powerful ass is your personal cheat code for adulting like a boss. Better posture? Check, no more slouching like you just got fired from life. Stronger back? Bye-bye lower back pain that used to hit after sitting on the couch for 20 minutes. Hotter sex? Oh honey... stronger glutes + pelvic floor = squeezes that make him forget his own name and question every decision that led him here. And bonus round: your glutes are massive muscles. They burn calories even when you’re horizontal binge-watching trash TV and stress-eating chips. That’s right your future dump-truck is basically a passive income stream for your metabolism.

So yeah. This isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about upgrading your entire existence.

Your glow-up isn’t optional anymore. Your peach is about to collect its crown. 👑

We'll also laugh our asses off debunking every glute myth out there (yes, including the one where you think 500 squats a day will save you. Spoiler: it just saves your quads from being normal-sized). Then we dive deep into the vagina-focused exercises, the real, stupidly simple game-changer that actually wakes your glutes up from their permanent nap. No fancy equipment, no gym shame, just squeezes and pulses that turn your pelvic floor into a secret weapon for building a peach that doesn’t quit.

And yes, affirmations, but not the cringy "I am a goddess" mirror-talk that makes you want to yeet your phone. They’re designed to rewire that little voice in your head that says "genetics screwed me" into "genetics? Bitch, I’m the upgrade." Because let’s be real: if your brain’s still telling you "flat is forever," your glutes won’t listen no matter how many squeezes you do. Mindset + muscle = unstoppable peach.

We wrap it all with a dead-simple 3-month plan so your ass grows steady and strong, not into some runaway pumpkin that suddenly needs its own zip code (lol, we’ll talk balance, form, and how to not accidentally build tree-trunk thighs again).

This book's packed with fluff (the funny kind), hard facts, savage jokes, and zero boredom.
Your TikTok/Instagram brain will eat it up like it’s the last slice of cake.
Let’s make your ass the main character, queen! 🍑✨

Okay, gorgeous, grab your favorite snack (protein preferred, booty fuel!), because we're about to spend some quality time absolutely demolishing the biggest, dumbest, most annoying booty myths that have been holding your ass hostage for way too long. These lies are like that toxic ex who keeps texting "I've changed"... total bullshit, but somehow we keep replying at 2 a.m. Not anymore. We're roasting them one by one, with zero mercy, and a few embarrassing stories from my own flat-ass era. By the time you finish this section, you'll be cackling, nodding, and ready to delete every fake fitness influencer from your feed.

Myth #1: "Just do a million squats every day and you'll wake up with a Kim K-level bubble butt."

Sweet summer child, if only. This is the granddaddy of all booty lies. I believed it harder than I believed my high school boyfriend’s "I’ll call you later." Picture this: 22-year-old me, in my tiny apartment, doing 100 squats every morning like I was auditioning for the Squat Cult Olympics. I'd finish dripping sweat, look in the mirror, and... nothing. My thighs got thicker, my knees filed for divorce, but my ass? Still playing the world's most committed game of hide-and-seek. I was basically building a solid foundation for... bigger leggings frustration and zero self-esteem.

Here's the tea: Squats are great for your quads and hamstrings, but without proper glute activation, your ass is just along for the ride, not driving the car. It's like revving a Ferrari engine while it's in park – lots of noise, zero movement, and everyone watching you look ridiculous.

Funny story time: I once bragged to a hot guy at a bar that I did "insane squat challenges." He looked impressed, nodded slowly, then asked if I was training for cycling. Cycling?! My ass was so invisible it could’ve been in witness protection, and my thighs were stealing the whole damn show. Mortifying. I walked out of that bar with my dignity in a body bag. Lesson learned the hard way: Squats alone won’t give you the peach, you need to wake that booty up properly (spoiler: vagina muscles are about to become your new best friend). 🍑😭

Myth #2: "A big ass is unhealthy, it'll make you slow, heavy, and give you back problems."

Oh honey, please. This myth crawled straight out of the "let's shame women for having bodies" dumpster fire and has been stinking up gyms since forever. I once had a skinny gym bro mansplain to me that "real athletes don't have big butts" while he was doing his third set of light dumbbell curls. Meanwhile, Olympic sprinters like Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Flo-Jo, and basically every track queen have legendary glutes and smoke everyone on the planet. Coincidence? Hard no.

Truth bomb time: Strong, juicy glutes are literally one of the healthiest upgrades your body can get. They act like a built-in back brace (weak glutes = chronic lower back pain, hello chiropractor bills), stabilize your hips so your knees don’t explode during walks, improve balance so you don’t eat pavement chasing the bus, and burn calories like a tiny furnace even when you’re horizontal binge-watching true crime and stress-eating popcorn. A big ass isn’t "extra weight" it’s functional muscle, healthy curves, and a billboard that says "I’m strong, I’m vital, and I could probably carry you and your ego up three flights of stairs."

Personal cringe moment (brace yourself, this one's peak embarrassment): Back in my "I’m trying to look like a runway model" phase, I used to suck in my stomach, tilt my hips back, and angle every photo so my non-existent butt looked even smaller. Why? Because some trashy magazine told me "slim is healthy" and "curves are lazy." Result? I looked like a constipated flamingo in every selfie, felt like garbage, and my lower back screamed every time I sat on the couch for more than 20 minutes.

Fast-forward to now: I’m growing that peach on purpose, no shame, no sucking in. My posture is better than it’s been since high school (I stand like I own the room instead of apologizing for existing), my back hasn’t thrown a tantrum in months, and I can chase my toddler around the park without needing a nap afterward. Oh, and the sex? Let’s just say stronger glutes + better pelvic control = whole new level. Who knew building an ass could upgrade your entire life? Not me until I did it.

Moral of the story: A big, strong ass isn’t unhealthy, it’s a superpower. And the only thing it’s slowing down is the speed at which people underestimate you. So drop the myth, drop the shame, and start building the booty that makes life easier, hotter, and way more fun. Your future self (and your spine) will thank you.

Myth #3: "You need a fancy gym membership, heavy weights, or even surgery to get real curves."

This myth is basically a love letter to your credit card. Gyms adore it. "Sign up for our $99/month plan, grab the hip thrust machine, and watch your dreams come true!" Meanwhile, half the people on that machine are scrolling TikTok, taking selfies, and pretending the burn is "progress." Spoiler: it's not. It's just expensive cardio with extra steps.

Reality check time: You do NOT need any of that nonsense. Your body already comes equipped with the ultimate free booty-building tool and no, it's not hiding in your closet next to the resistance bands you bought in 2022 and never used. It's right between your legs, and once you learn how to wake it up properly, it's game over for every overpriced gym membership, every dusty dumbbell, and every "BBL without surgery" filter scam.

Surgery? Girl, please. Thousands of dollars, weeks of recovery, risks that make you question your life choices, and let's be honest half the BBLs out there look like someone glued two basketballs to a deflated balloon. Not cute. Not worth it. Home-based vagina-focused activation? Free, zero recovery time, and the only side effect is your old jeans filing for divorce because they can't handle the upgrade.

Funny (and painfully expensive) story time: I once fell for the hype and signed up for a "booty bootcamp" class that cost $200 for six sessions. The instructor had us doing banded squats, kettlebell swings, and glute bridges for an hour straight. I left sore, broke, smelling like desperation, and - plot twist - still flat as a seat cushion. My thighs were furious, my wallet was in therapy, but my ass? Still on permanent vacation.

I dragged myself home, Googled "free booty hacks", stumbled onto a post on a Russian forum I translated with Firefox (Chrome is for losers), and started doing this vagina trick that night while binge-watching trash reality TV. A few weeks later? Better, rounder, higher results than that entire overpriced bootcamp ever delivered. I cancelled the membership faster and later bought cute new jeans with the money saved. Best revenge glow-up of my life.

Moral of the story: You don’t need a gym membership, a personal trainer named Chad, or a surgeon with a scalpel to get real curves. You need knowledge, consistency, and the willingness to squeeze in places no one talks about. The rest? Just expensive noise. Your wallet, your schedule, and your future dump-truck ass will thank you for skipping the drama. 🍑💸

Myth #4: "It's all genetics. If your mom has a flat ass, you're doomed forever."

This one's the queen of excuses. "My whole family is built like rulers, no hope for me!" I used to chant that like a sad mantra while staring at my mom's straight-up-and-down figure in old family photos, convinced my DNA had personally betrayed me at birth. Spoiler: DNA doesn't give a damn about your dreams. It just hands you the raw materials. What you do with them? That's where the magic (and the squeezes) happen.

Newsflash: Genetics loads the gun, but lifestyle pulls the trigger - hard. You can 100% build a rounder, firmer, higher, juicier ass no matter what hand you were dealt. Muscle growth doesn't care if your grandma had a pancake or your cousin has a shelf. It responds to consistent, smart activation. And the vagina-glute connection we're about to unleash? That's the ultimate genetics equalizer.

Real talk (and mildly humiliating) story time: My cousin Lisa was the family booty icon growing up - zero effort, zero workouts, just blessed genes and a walk that made traffic stop. I was jealous as hell, secretly measuring her jeans in my head while mine sagged like disappointed dreams. Fast-forward 12 years: Lisa got an office job, sat for 10 hours a day, stopped moving, and her legendary peach slowly deflated into a sad little memory. She started complaining about "losing it" and "getting old."

Meanwhile, I was over here discovering the vagina method, doing my sneaky squeezes, and watching my flat-ass situation turn into compliments, better jeans fit, and a confidence high I didn't even know was possible. Last family reunion? Lisa stared at my reflection in the window and whispered, "How?" I just smiled and said, "Consistency, cuz. And a few secrets no one talks about." Genetics gave her the head start. I took the victory lap.

Moral of the story: Genetics might give you a starting line, but it doesn't own the finish line. You do. If your mom, grandma, or entire bloodline has a flat ass, cool, you're not cursed, you're just the first one in the family tree to rewrite the script. With the right knowledge, consistency, and a willingness to squeeze in places polite society pretends don't exist, you can turn "doomed" into "damn, look at her go." Your future dump-truck ass isn't waiting on DNA. It's waiting on you. Let's make it happen.🍑🔥

Myth #5: "Shapewear, tight jeans, or ‘booty scrunch' leggings will train your ass to grow."

This one cracks me up every single time. It's like thinking if you wear a push-up bra 24/7 your boobs will eventually decide to level up on their own.

Those viral scrunch leggings? They're basically magicians, they gather whatever sad little peach you currently have, push it into a fake bubble, and make you look snatched for exactly as long as you keep them on. Take them off (or worse, bend over to pick up your dignity), and poof back to pancake city faster than you can say "TikTok scam." Same goes for waist trainers, butt-lifting tape, or whatever new "shaping" gadget is trending this week. They're optical illusions, costume props, not muscle builders. Your glutes don't get the memo they just sit there confused while the fabric does all the heavy lifting.

Funny (and slightly traumatic) memory time: I once impulse-bought those super-hyped "peach builder" shorts with the dramatic scrunch seam and built-in padding. Wore them to brunch feeling like a walking thirst trap: heads were turning, confidence was sky-high, I was convinced I'd cracked the code. Then nature called. I went to the bathroom, peeled them off to pee... and stared in absolute horror at my naked, completely flat ass in the mirror. It looked like someone had deflated a balloon animal. The betrayal was so real I almost cried. My reflection was like "girl, what did you expect?" I walked out of that stall a changed woman, humbled, broke from the $60 scam purchase, and vowing never to trust fabric with my glow-up again. Real curves come from real work (and a little vaginal voodoo), not from hoping spandex has magical muscle-growing powers.

Moral of the story: Shapewear can fake it till you make it for one night, but it won't build shit. Your ass doesn't grow from compression it grows from activation, consistency, and the willingness to squeeze where no one else dares. Skip the tricks, save your money and your self-respect, and invest in the actual cheat code. You deserve better than a temporary illusion.🍑✂️

Bonus Super-Dumb Myth: "Eating tons of junk will make fat go straight to your butt."

If only life was that generous! I'd be living on a diet of donuts, pizza, and midnight ice cream, and my peach would be legendary by now. Sadly, your body doesn't come with a "send fat directly to ass" GPS button. Fat distribution is 90% genetics, hormones, and the cruel whims of biology. Some girls store it in their thighs, some in their belly, and the lucky ones get that magical hourglass code. Junk food just makes you gain weight wherever your DNA decided to park it. No targeted delivery, no cheat code, just calories saying "surprise, bitch, I'm going to your stomach today."

But here's the silver lining and the real power move: you can't choose where fat goes, but you CAN choose where muscle grows. Building strong, shapely glutes lifts, rounds, and perks up whatever you've got, making everything look fuller, higher, and way more dramatic even if your body loves storing fat in "annoying places." Add some solid glute work (with the vagina tricks we're about to spill), and suddenly your natural curves get the VIP upgrade. It's not about gaining more fat it's about sculpting the hell out of what you already have so it looks intentional, not accidental. Your ass becomes the main character, not just background noise.

Personal disaster story (because I can't resist humiliating my past-self): I once tried the "eat big to get big" hack for a whole month: donuts for breakfast, burgers for lunch, fries for emotional support. I gained 8 pounds. Where did it go? Straight to my stomach and inner thighs, like my body was playing "hide the gains" from my butt. I looked like a slightly wider version of myself with zero peach improvement. My jeans were tighter in all the wrong places, my confidence was in the gutter.

Then I discovered the vagina method, started squeezing like my life depended on it, and within weeks my glutes started popping while the rest of me stayed mostly the same. It was like my ass finally got the memo: "Oh, we're doing this now?" Revenge body, activated. No more junk-food fantasies, just smart squeezes and real results.

Trust the science

All these myths kept me (and probably you) frustrated, broke, and low-key depressed for years. But now? We're done with the lies, the scams, and the soul-crushing disappointment. The real, weird, wonderful truth is coming up next - and it's all centered around one body part most fitness influencers completely ignore: your vagina muscles. Get ready to have your mind (and soon your ass) blown. The good stuff starts now! 🍑😂

Alright, buckle up because we're finally spilling the real tea, the kind that's gonna make your jaw drop, your eyes widen, and your ass start planning its glow-up party.

You've suffered through squats, hip thrusts, and those stupid "booty burner" challenges that left you sore but still shopping in the "flat butt" section of life. You've wondered why some girls seem to grow curves just by existing while yours stays stubbornly pancake-shaped. Well, the answer isn't more weights, more classes, or more protein shakes. It's way simpler, way weirder, and 100% hiding right between your legs.

Yes, I'm talking about your vagina muscles, those deep pelvic floor muscles that nobody ever mentions in booty workouts.

Train them right, and they become your secret remote control for exploding glute growth. Sounds insane? Totally. But stick with me this is the most underrated, under-the-radar hack in women's fitness, and once you know it, you can't un-know it.

Science shows squats smash your quads like champs, but without that deep vagina squeeze wake-up call, your glutes stay lazy AF. Studies prove the co-activation lights 'em up and makes them fire for real - and I'll share some of the most interesting (and surprisingly spicy) ones at the end of the book so you can see the receipts yourself. 🍑🔬

Let's break it down like we're gossiping over wine. Your pelvic floor (the hammock of muscles that holds everything up down there) and your glutes are basically best friends who finish each other's... contractions. When you squeeze your vagina muscles - like you're stopping pee mid-stream or holding in a sneaky fart on a first date - those deep fibers fire up. And guess what? That signal shoots straight to your glutes, waking them up in a way that regular "clench your butt" cues never do.

It's called co-activation, and some studies (like one called "Coactivation of the Pelvic Floor and Gluteus Medius Muscles While Walking and Running") found that this connection amps up glute power during everyday moves. Another study ("Pelvic Floor Muscle Activation During Contractions") showed that strong pelvic squeezes loop back and boost surrounding muscles including your ass.

Trust the science

Why is this better than the usual booty advice? Because most girls (and even trainers) focus on the surface stuff - big movements, heavy weights - but completely ignore this deep internal link. Result? Your thighs and lower back take over, your glutes stay lazy and small, and you end up frustrated. But when you lead with vagina contractions? You flip the script. The deep muscles turn on first, forcing your glutes to join the party properly. Boom, real growth, real roundness, real "damn, girl" results.

Now, let's talk benefits, because this isn't just about looking hot in leggings. A juicier ass built this way attracts men like crazy, curves are biologically irresistible, signaling strength and confidence that makes guys do double-takes. But the health perks? Chef's kiss. Strong pelvic floor + strong glutes = no more random leaks when you sneeze or jump, better posture (goodbye slouchy zombie walk), less lower back pain (weak glutes are the #1 culprit), and even improved balance so you don't trip over nothing like I used to.

Oh, and again, if you're side-eyeing this like it's some TikTok pseudoscience crap, pump the brakes, babe. Real studies (the kind with fancy EMG machines measuring muscle fireworks) prove your vagina muscles and glutes are wired together like a secret hotline. Squeeze your vag? Boom, that electric signal blasts straight to your ass, cranking glute activation way higher than just butt-clenching alone. Researchers saw this amp things up during walking, running, and hip moves, forcing your glutes to work harder without you even trying. It's like your vagina is the boss-level ignition switch for booty gains. Science says the weird shit works.

When I first heard about this, I thought it was some weird internet prank. I tried it anyway alone in my bedroom, giggling like an idiot, squeezed my vagina muscles while standing in front of the mirror. Nothing dramatic happened right away, but after a week of sneaking in these contractions? I swear my ass started feeling... perkier. Like it had opinions. A month in, my favorite jeans that used to slide down now almosr hugged in all the right places. My boyfriend at the time kept grabbing my butt and going, "Wait... did you get thicker?" I just smirked and said, "Magic." He still doesn't know my vagina was the magician.

Another hilarious moment: I told my best friend about it over brunch. Her eyes went wide, she choked on her mimosa, and whispered, "You're telling me I can build a better ass by... squeezing my vag?" We both died laughing, but a few months later she texted me a mirror selfie with the caption "MY VAGINA IS A PERSONAL TRAINER." True friendship.

And yeah, it's a little awkward at first. We're not used to talking about vagina strength outside of pregnancy or sex tips. But that's exactly why it works, nobody else is doing it! Everyone's out there hip-thrusting with bad form while you're quietly activating the deep glute-vagina superhighway. It's woman power at its finest: Your vagina isn't just for pleasure or babies it's a legit muscle-building boss.

Quick pumpkin warning (because I care): Overdo anything without balance and yes, you could end up with a cartoonishly huge ass that knocks things off tables. Cute for Halloween, annoying for airplane seats. We'll pace it in the 3-month program so you get juicy, not gigantic.

This is the game-changer you've been scrolling for but never found, because nobody dares talk about it. All the exercises coming up revolve around vagina contractions (with fun variations I invented (and used) just for you). No boring squats, no gym required. Just you, your vagina, and a whole lot of future compliments.

Ready to meet your new booty bestie?
We're about to start squeezing, laughing, and growing.
Your ass is about to thank you in ways you never imagined. 🍑✨

Welcome to the juicy heart of this book, babe. We're calling this the "Physical Grind" but it's the fun kind of grind (like dancing to your favorite song, not like moving your ex's crap out of your apartment).

Every exercise here revolves around one secret weapon that's been hiding between your legs this whole time: your vagina muscles. This is the cheat code your glutes have been waiting for.

Think of your vagina muscles as the undercover boss of your booty empire. They're deep, they're powerful, and when you activate them the right way they send a direct "get to work" signal to your glutes that no amount of regular squats or lunges can match. It's like flipping a hidden switch, sudden glute fire, faster growth.

Plus, the health perks are insane. Strengthening this area fixes posture, slashes back pain, and gives you that confident, pain-free strut through life. It's like upgrading your entire lower body's operating system.

But let's pump the brakes for a second, because I don't want you diving in blind and ending up frustrated (or laughing so hard you can't focus). This stuff can feel weird at first, like trying to wink with a muscle you didn't know existed.

I remember my first attempt: I was on my bed, phone in one hand scrolling TikTok for "inspiration," trying to figure this out. Nothing. Zilch. I poked around (literally), squeezed random things, and finally felt a tiny twitch. Victory dance ensued, alone, thank god, because it looked ridiculous.

Here's the real talk on setup, no fluff, just the vibe you need to crush this:

Privacy is queen: Lock the door. Get comfy. The last thing you need is your roommate barging in while you're mid-"aha" moment.
Clothed or naked? Your call. Some days I'm in sweats sneaking squeezes during Netflix. Other days? Full nude in front of the mirror because, why not admire the goods while working them?
Set the mood: Blast some sexy music. The Weeknd, SZA, whatever makes you feel like a goddess. This isn't a chore, it's a ritual.
It might feel awkward at first. That's normal. If you're clenching everything but the right muscle, you're not alone. We'll fix that.
Breathe, don't suffocate: Inhale deep, exhale peacefully... Breath is very important while doing this exercises.
How often? 4 days a week, max. Rest days are for eating, recovering, and taking those shameless progress pics.
Safety first, hun: If anything hurts (real pain, not the good burn), just pause. We're here to build, not break.

Imagine this: A few months in, you're slipping into that dress you saved for "someday," turning around in the mirror, and going, "Whoa, when did my ass get this juicy?" Guys notice (oh, they notice), but you feel it most, that strong, healthy, sexy confidence radiating, walking on the Big Booty Boulevard.

Enough talk, let's get to the exercises.
Your vagina's warmed up and ready to boss this butt around.
Let's make some magic! 🍑🔥

The Weird Vagina Method That Grew My Peach

By Emily Gurtamo - The Big Ass Secret No One Talks About.
No Gym Required

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The Big Secret: Why Working Your Vagina Muscles Builds a Bigger Ass